Finding Home
Coming home from the hospital after the birth of our daughter was anticlimactic, to say the least. She’d surprised us with a 4-week early arrival, so the apartment had been left in a state of disarray, boxes stacked in the corners (No, we weren’t moving. Just messy!) and our dining room table covered in a wide variety of unhoused “stuff”. What’s more, I was 70 pounds heavier than when I first found out I was pregnant, and, the worst part of it all, our daughter was not with us, but rather at the hospital for what would be a taxing NICU stay.
I didn’t feel at home in my body which was no longer pregnant but also not the pre-pregnancy look I was used to. I didn’t feel at home in our our apartment, which I had pictured being tidy, neat and ready for the arrival of our baby. Everything was out of place, and I felt out of place to: in my body, in my house, and without my baby to fill the longing that came with my new role of Motherhood.
I wanted so badly to make our apartment feel homy for when our daughter finally arrived home from the hospital, but with daily hospital visits to the NICU and the fatigue and pain that accompanies early postpartum, I didn’t see how I was going to get it all done. I wanted our daughter to feel at home when she arrived, and I wanted to feel at home myself. Thus began my journey into the art of homemaking.
As a stay-a- home- mom, I knew I wanted to create a space my little family could thrive. A place my husband would come home to and feel cared for in. A place our daughter would feel safe in. And a place where we could all flourish.
I began with some basic cleaning (two weeks postpartum-this was certainly not happening the day after I got home from the hospital!). Enlisting the help of my own mother and husband, we began to put away boxes, clear off the dining room table. My husband scrubbed the toilets (long overdue) and we vacuumed the nursery and dusted the blinds (also long overdue). The children’s books that had collected on the bed were neatly placed on the new bookshelf in my daughter’s room. Finally, a bit of tidiness.
Next, I began to walk. Slow steps at first, and not very many of them, but with each day they increased. My mom and I would walk a lap around the hospital while we visited my daughter, and after my husband got off work, we would walk the neighborhood. I inhaled bone broth, salmon and sweet potatoes, recentering my body through movement and good food. I began to feel at home in my body again, remembering what it felt like to exercise without a baby taking up all the space in my abdoman!
Finally, our little girl came home. To say we were complete would be an understatement. By the grace of God, she was healthy, well and whole, ready to snuggle into our arms while we rocked in her nursery. I have felt at home with my own mom, knowing she is the person, not the place, where home rests for me. Now, I get to be that for my daughter. What a gift, to have the people I cherish most in the world sitting together in our little home. It took time and patience to come together-and it’s still a work in progress- but with my daughter and my husband at home with me, our little world feels complete and our hearts feel full.
A Prayer For Home
Lord, I pray that you use me as a tool to craft a home here on earth as we await our eternal home in Heaven. May each and every mama be a home for their baby and their spouse. May we grow the seeds of homemaking and familial love where you have planted them- in the heart of a mother. Amen
A Few Homey Resources:
The Life Giving Home by Sally and Sarah Clarkson
Theology of Home by Carrie Gress and Noelle Merring
At Home With Sally Clarkson podcast
